I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
