she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
