I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
