dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
