I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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