We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
