bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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