you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
