hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
