I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
