what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
