I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
