This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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