I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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