Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
