Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
there is puke in my bra ... again
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