you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
