We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
