At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he puts the penis in happiness.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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