You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
