Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
