I met the friendliest cop last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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