That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
