oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
