Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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