What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
