he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize