your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
