If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
