We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
