Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
