He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't deserve a penis
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
