Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
