I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
