Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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