how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
