why didn't you poke me back
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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