I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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