Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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