Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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