everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Boobs speak an international language.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
