There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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