grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want nice things and good sex
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize