i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
