grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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