My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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