I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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