u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Even my vagina gasped.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
