I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
