Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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