Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
