I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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