I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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