she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
