So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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